Day 9: Special Place

A beach close to home. September 2012

 The beach. Any beach. The ocean has always been soothing to me and it's even more healing now than before. Part of me wishes I could move to a beach. Maybe Puerto Rico or St. Thomas. If only...

Trunk Bay, St. John, USVI. May 2007.

Day 8: Jewelry

Top: necklace given to me by my friend Monica, the front says Always in my Heart and the back says Elliot. it also has a set of footprints and his birthstone,
Bottom left: Mother's ring given to me by my dad, it says Elliot on the left and has his birthdate on the right and has his birthstone in the center.
Bottom center and left are what they should look like if I had a real camera.

Day 7: What to Say

I get that it's hard to know what to say. If in doubt, these work for me. It is better to say something than to say nothing. Ignoring someone's pain only makes it worse.

Day 6: Things Not to Say

Maybe someone thinks these things are helpful, but certainly not me. I'd like to think that if there is a God, his plan doesn't involve killing my son. Yes, if he had to die, then it would be wonderful for Elliot to be in heaven. If there is a heaven, I know he is there. But don't say that to a grieving mother. All I want is for him to still be here with me.

Day 5: Memorial

Elliot's headstone and cherry tree.

Day 4: Most Treasured Items

My most treasured things are my memories of Elliot. His soft skin. Chubby legs and arms. Huge feet! The weight of his warm, heavy body on my chest. That new baby smell. How I felt the first time I saw him and the first time I held him.

My most treasured items are the tangible things that remind us of Elliot. The beautiful photos we have, his frog and anything else he touched or wore, and the molds of his feet (thanks to the awesome NICU staff). Also, the scrap book pages the NICU staff made for us.

Day 3: After Loss Self Portrait

I have been nervous about sharing this photo, but I think it is so powerful and full of emotion. This is after Elliot's donation surgery. Our last goodbye.

Day 2: Before Loss Self Portrait

Andy took this photo while I was in labor with Elliot. Obviously early on, before the real pain started. This is the last photo of the old me.

Day 1: Sunrise

The moon setting at sunrise on October 1, 2012.

Sorry for the grainy camera phone photo.

Capture your Grief 2012

The wonderful Cary Marie has designed a photo challenge for the loss community to commemorate Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I'm not doing it in the official-share-your-photos-with-everyone Facebook event. So I'll share them with everyone via the blog. Here is the list:

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html